Evil lawyer jokes suck. The lawyers don't think they are funny and other people don't think they are jokes.
How many lighting designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's called a lamp.
What do you say to someone with an IQ of 30? Nice weld/Yes Officer
Did you hear about the perverted archaeologist?
He could smell a tampon and tell what period it came from.
Oh, you graduated already? So why are you working at this restaurant? Because I majored in psychology!
How can you spot a porn star at the gas station? Just before the tank is full he pulls the nozzle out and sprays it all over the car!
Did you hear there's a job at the zoo circumcising elephants?
The pay is low, but the tips are big!
Roses are #FF0000,
Violets are #0000FF,
all my base are belongeth to you.
Why did _______(your city) get all the lawyers and New Jersey got all the garbage?
New Jersey got first choice.
What do you do with a philosophy degree?
Think deeply about being unemployed.
IT and drug dealers are the only two professions where our customers are called users.
How do you know a guitarist is at your door? He's holding a pizza.
A woman in her eighties dies.
She arrives at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets her, and begins to read her file.
It all seems normal – but then he sees something that gives him pause.
"You're a virgin?"
"Yes."
"But it says here you were married for over sixty years."
"Oh yes, my husband works in advertising. Every night, he'd just sit on the bed and talk about how great it was going to be."
So i went to a restaurant and ordered the soup, i got it and I called for the waiter: "Sir is there something wrong with the soup?" he asked. "Try it" I said. "Is it too cold?" he asked, "Try it" I responded, "Is it too Hot?" he asked, "Try it..." I responded, "Okay, where is the spoon?" He asked, "There we go."
How many lighting designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's called a lamp.
What do you say to someone with an IQ of 30? Nice weld/Yes Officer
Did you hear about the perverted archaeologist?
He could smell a tampon and tell what period it came from.
Oh, you graduated already? So why are you working at this restaurant? Because I majored in psychology!
How can you spot a porn star at the gas station? Just before the tank is full he pulls the nozzle out and sprays it all over the car!
Did you hear there's a job at the zoo circumcising elephants?
The pay is low, but the tips are big!
Roses are #FF0000,
Violets are #0000FF,
all my base are belongeth to you.
"They want an omelet with no egg?!"
Economics: using math to prove your opinion.
This code is not working and i don't know why.
Now the code IS working but i don't know why.
There are two types of people in this world, 1) those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
What do you call someone who knows how to play the trombone but doesn't? A gentleman
Twenty Aerospace professors get onto an airplane. Before takeoff the flight attendant informs the professors that this aircraft was designed by their students. All of the professors quickly get off the plane, except for one professor. When asked why he didn't get off the plane, he responded, "If it was any of my students, the plane won't start."
If it compiles and runs successfully at the first trial, you're doing it wrong.
What separates two alcoholics from three nymphomaniacs?
Cockpit door.
Why did _______(your city) get all the lawyers and New Jersey got all the garbage?
New Jersey got first choice.
What do you do with a philosophy degree?
Think deeply about being unemployed.
IT and drug dealers are the only two professions where our customers are called users.
How do you know a guitarist is at your door? He's holding a pizza.
A woman in her eighties dies.
She arrives at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets her, and begins to read her file.
It all seems normal – but then he sees something that gives him pause.
"You're a virgin?"
"Yes."
"But it says here you were married for over sixty years."
"Oh yes, my husband works in advertising. Every night, he'd just sit on the bed and talk about how great it was going to be."
So i went to a restaurant and ordered the soup, i got it and I called for the waiter: "Sir is there something wrong with the soup?" he asked. "Try it" I said. "Is it too cold?" he asked, "Try it" I responded, "Is it too Hot?" he asked, "Try it..." I responded, "Okay, where is the spoon?" He asked, "There we go."
Two elderly women are walking through a museum and get separated. As soon as they meet up with each other again, one of them appears quite flustered and says, "Goodness, gracious! Did you see the statue of the naked man back there? I've never been so shocked. How can they possibly display such a thing. My gosh, the penis on it was so large!" Whereupon, the other old lady accidentally blurts out, "Yes, and cold, too!"
