Don't get sucked in by comments--only debug code.
If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.
You Might Be a Programmer if...
you are looking for the "else" at the end of this joke.
every combination of three letters is a meaningful acronym for you.
How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb? Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document number GC7500439-001, Multitasking Incadescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank".
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
"The change is 90% complete."
The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
PnP: Plug and Pray
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can't See It
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language liSP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.
Software Development Cycle
Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.
Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
Users find 137 new bugs.
Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires a programmer to redo program from scratch.
Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free...
With C you can shoot yourself in the leg. With C++ you can reuse the bullet.
The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."
"Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"
"No..."
"Inheritance."
