1 Physicist is someone who averages the first 3 terms of a divergent series
2 Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.
He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."
The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?”
(Sartre zice ca absenta a ceva continua sa fie ceva)
3 A biologist, a chemist, and a Physicist are taking a walk through the country when they come upon a cow. For some odd reason, none of them knew what it was. The biologist thinks for a second and then declares, "I know what that is. That's Bos Bovine." The chemist looks for a second and the says, "It's just a carbon-based life form, approximately 75% water, and the remaining 25% trace elements." The Physicist stares blanky for a second and then says, "Well.... I guess we could approximate it as a sphere."
4 Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, ‘Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?’ Gödel replies, ‘We can't know that because we're inside the joke.’ Chomsky says, ‘Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong.’ ”
(Heisenberg e cu incertitudinile, Godel zice ca bancul e logic incomplet, Chomsky face diferenta intre banc si performanta lingvistica )
5 How to Catch a Lion in the Sahara Desert
(1) THE METHOD OF INVERSIVE GEOMETRY:
We place a spherical cage in the desert and enter it. We then
perform an inverse operation with respect to the cage. The lion is
then inside the cage and we are outside.
(2) THE SET THEORETIC METHOD:
We observe that the desert is a separable space. It therefore
contains an enumerable dense set of points from which can be
extracted a sequence having the lion as the limit. We then
approach the lion stealthily along this sequence bearing with us
suitable equipment.
(3) THE DIRAC METHOD:
We observe that wild lions are ipso facto not observable in
the sahara desert. Consequently if there are any lions in the
Sahara they are tame. The capture of a tame lion is left as an
exercise for the reader.
(4) THE THERMODYNAMIC METHOD:
We construct a semi-permeable membrane which is permeable to
everything except lions and sweep it across the sahara.
(5) THE KALRA METHOD:
Make a list of the lion's whereabouts.Classify them into
different fuzzy sets. The lion will get confused and fall into
your trap.
(6) TOPOLOGICAL METHOD:
We observe that the lion has at least the connectivity of the
torus. We transport the desert into four-space. It is then
possible to carry out such a transformation that the lion can be
returned to 3-space in a knotted condition. He is then helpless.
(7) THE SCHRODINGER METHOD:
At any given moment there is a positive probability that
there is a lion in the cage. Sit down and wait.
(8) THE HEISENBERG METHOD:
You will disturb the lion when you observe it before
capturing. So keep your eyes closed.
(9) THE EINSTEIN METHOD:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. The
relative velocity makes the lion run faster and hence he feels
heavier and gets tired.
(10) THE NEWTONIAN METHOD:
Let the lion catch you (let's assume you remain alive here).
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Therefore, you will have captured the lion.
(11) THE CARTESIAN METHOD:
Take the origin as close as possible to the lion. Then
perform rotation operation again and again. Initially, the lion
will feel dizzy. Finally it will fall down.
(12) THE SOFTWARE METHOD:
Make a linked list of all objects in the desert. Then delete
the pointers on either side of the lion.(Make sure you are not
AFTER the lion.)
(13) THE AUTOMATA METHOD:
Use a Non-Deterministic Finite Automaton with epsilon moves
from all states to the final state, and no moves from the final
state. The lion will soon enter the final state and be trapped.
(14) THE TIME-COP METHOD:
Use a time-machine and take the entire Sahara back a few
years in time. The lion is just a cub now, and all you need is a
mouse-trap.
(15) THE INTEGRO-DIFFERENTIAL METHOD
Integrate the Sahara over its entire surface. The lion is
now somewhere in the result. Differentiate the result w.r.t the
earth's rotation. The resulting value is zero, and the lion is
no more.
(16) THE SHAKESPEARE METHOD
Hold the lion still for a moment (I don't care how you do
it), and recite Shakespeare`s Hamlet to it. The lion will change
from 'To be to Not-to-be'.
2 Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.
He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."
The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?”
(Sartre zice ca absenta a ceva continua sa fie ceva)
3 A biologist, a chemist, and a Physicist are taking a walk through the country when they come upon a cow. For some odd reason, none of them knew what it was. The biologist thinks for a second and then declares, "I know what that is. That's Bos Bovine." The chemist looks for a second and the says, "It's just a carbon-based life form, approximately 75% water, and the remaining 25% trace elements." The Physicist stares blanky for a second and then says, "Well.... I guess we could approximate it as a sphere."
4 Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, ‘Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?’ Gödel replies, ‘We can't know that because we're inside the joke.’ Chomsky says, ‘Of course it's funny. You're just telling it wrong.’ ”
(Heisenberg e cu incertitudinile, Godel zice ca bancul e logic incomplet, Chomsky face diferenta intre banc si performanta lingvistica )
5 How to Catch a Lion in the Sahara Desert
(1) THE METHOD OF INVERSIVE GEOMETRY:
We place a spherical cage in the desert and enter it. We then
perform an inverse operation with respect to the cage. The lion is
then inside the cage and we are outside.
(2) THE SET THEORETIC METHOD:
We observe that the desert is a separable space. It therefore
contains an enumerable dense set of points from which can be
extracted a sequence having the lion as the limit. We then
approach the lion stealthily along this sequence bearing with us
suitable equipment.
(3) THE DIRAC METHOD:
We observe that wild lions are ipso facto not observable in
the sahara desert. Consequently if there are any lions in the
Sahara they are tame. The capture of a tame lion is left as an
exercise for the reader.
(4) THE THERMODYNAMIC METHOD:
We construct a semi-permeable membrane which is permeable to
everything except lions and sweep it across the sahara.
(5) THE KALRA METHOD:
Make a list of the lion's whereabouts.Classify them into
different fuzzy sets. The lion will get confused and fall into
your trap.
(6) TOPOLOGICAL METHOD:
We observe that the lion has at least the connectivity of the
torus. We transport the desert into four-space. It is then
possible to carry out such a transformation that the lion can be
returned to 3-space in a knotted condition. He is then helpless.
(7) THE SCHRODINGER METHOD:
At any given moment there is a positive probability that
there is a lion in the cage. Sit down and wait.
(8) THE HEISENBERG METHOD:
You will disturb the lion when you observe it before
capturing. So keep your eyes closed.
(9) THE EINSTEIN METHOD:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. The
relative velocity makes the lion run faster and hence he feels
heavier and gets tired.
(10) THE NEWTONIAN METHOD:
Let the lion catch you (let's assume you remain alive here).
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Therefore, you will have captured the lion.
(11) THE CARTESIAN METHOD:
Take the origin as close as possible to the lion. Then
perform rotation operation again and again. Initially, the lion
will feel dizzy. Finally it will fall down.
(12) THE SOFTWARE METHOD:
Make a linked list of all objects in the desert. Then delete
the pointers on either side of the lion.(Make sure you are not
AFTER the lion.)
(13) THE AUTOMATA METHOD:
Use a Non-Deterministic Finite Automaton with epsilon moves
from all states to the final state, and no moves from the final
state. The lion will soon enter the final state and be trapped.
(14) THE TIME-COP METHOD:
Use a time-machine and take the entire Sahara back a few
years in time. The lion is just a cub now, and all you need is a
mouse-trap.
(15) THE INTEGRO-DIFFERENTIAL METHOD
Integrate the Sahara over its entire surface. The lion is
now somewhere in the result. Differentiate the result w.r.t the
earth's rotation. The resulting value is zero, and the lion is
no more.
(16) THE SHAKESPEARE METHOD
Hold the lion still for a moment (I don't care how you do
it), and recite Shakespeare`s Hamlet to it. The lion will change
from 'To be to Not-to-be'.
